Archive | July 2014

In the Life

So if you have read my other blog posts you will know a little bit of my back story but not all of it. When I was younger (just like all teens) no one could tell me a damn thing. I was a stubborn and hardheaded person. I came from a family of different circumstances. When I was little my two little twin sisters (Katrina and Sabrina) and I were taken from our parents and our great aunt took us into her home. After a couple years she became our mom and we had new siblings, two older brothers who loved us even though were were actually cousins versus little sisters. My sisters adapted to my oldest brother Eric and I ALWAYS wanted to be close to our brother Allen. But as the years have gone on I rarely talk to Allen and talk to Eric every chance I get. Katie calls every once in a while and Sabrina… well Sabrina just calls whenever she calls.
Last year the woman I always knew as mom had past away and I took it hard. No, She didnt give birth to me but she saved me. On top of that she dealt with all of my crap for years, even after I moved out and moved back in multiple times, got married, moved to the bay area, left my ex and moved back up north she was always there. I could always talk to her. And even if it hurt she told me the truth. We fought, argued then got along later. But I think the reason I took it so hard was because honestly, no lies I was a shitty kid. I was always getting in trouble, and after I met the man I’m with now and she was put into a skilled nursing facility I was never able to go and see her. That is my biggest regret. Yes she was two towns over from where I lived but I have legs right? I could have walked to see her so she didn’t feel alone.
Now I have relocated (due to nothing really holding me in California anymore) and as I’m sitting here thinking about all the things I’m missing out on in our family, I cant help but wonder what life would be like if I was still in Cali, what it would be like if I hadn’t fallen away from my family. And I have to say I don’t blame my family, I blame myself. I deleted most family of of all my social sites to prevent any issues with the way I talk ( I swear like a sailor) or any of my life decisions. The only thing I can think about is the fact that I am missing out on a family camping trip. Camping trips are huge in my family, and I don’t expect any of you reading this to understand why its hitting me so hard.
Before I find something else to ramble on about I would like to take this time to ask you to please… PLEASE just stop and think about all the family members you have or have not talked to, that you were, are or even never were close to and ask yourself, what would you do if they were gone. What would you do if you didn’t have the chance to talk to them again. Ask yourself… Is it really that hard to take five minutes out of your day and call them, email them, text them anything and tell them you love and miss them? Please don’t be like me… Show your family you really do care, dont just think it, because when they are gone… will they know it?